I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
