Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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