I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
