Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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