I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
