Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
