This girl is more easily done than said...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
