have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
