Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
did you just send me my own nude
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
