There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
third nipple confirmed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
