I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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