omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
