So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
