so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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