Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
