I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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