This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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