I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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