i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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