the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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