i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They took my balls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
