apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
