is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
