he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
false alarm, still single
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