My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
