I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
