he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
