I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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