I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
