So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
