Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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