her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
