Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
