Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
