From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
