we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
