wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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