i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
