Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Found the puke drawer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
