I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
