i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
