he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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