I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
