god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
