Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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