Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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