i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
