operation have a gay friend backfired
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
