dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We were destined to go to rehab together
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
