Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
