if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
