He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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