wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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