The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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