Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
